House of Flying Hormones

This movie was absolutely ridiculous. It was also somewhat ridiculous at some points.

I watched a dubbed version. I wish I had gotten it with subtitles because whenever they do something like yell or cry or any noise that isn't talking it sounds like a joke. Also I can't help but wonder what they were really saying, cause you know they had to change the dialogue so it fit the times when their mouths were moving.

I liked the fight scenes, but what's with all this flying around. Old school Chinese movies like Shaolin vs. Wu Tang manage to have sweet action that isn't impossible, but there seems to be a trend of Chinese movie makers to want to have all their ancient warriors flying around. Who knows, before long people might start to believe this and think back in the day chinese people could fly. Its pretty ridiculous to combine history and fantasy though right? It'd be like if last of the Mohicans had the british army flying through the treetops.

I think there was an equal number of sex scenes (or attempts at sex scenes) to fight scenes. I don't know if this was because of a surplus of sex or a deficit of action, but either way it was imbalanced. Oh and I think all but one of the scenes involving dubbed kissing noises was an attempted rape. So maybe they were all meant to be fight scenes except the one.

I didn't like all the special effects like the computer graphic stuff. Do they think I wanted to see a close up of a CGI dagger that boomerangs around people's necks? Yes, they do. Do I? No. Show me some more cool sword fights or even some flying, but don't cut away from the action to fill the screen with a fake flying dagger.

Speed Racer is the best movie ever.

I liked the speed racer cartoon movie when I was a kid, but when the new movie came out I never saw it in theaters. I finally saw it a couple weeks ago. And then again a week ago. and then again tonight. And its so great I cant describe it.

Some of the great features of this movie include:
Crazy tie-dye opening
Pancakes
Old kung fu cartoons
The coolest racing ever
Fight scenes similar to the matrix (Same directors)
CEOs being villains
A mind blowing climax.




When I say mid blowing I mean when I saw it I couldn't help but grab my head with my eyes and mouth wide open (Reenactment above). And most other people I saw it with did too. Its unbelievably intense. However I recommend using whatever regulations they have at roller coasters, like no pregnant women (Jimmy) and no people with back or heart problems.

The movie tells the story of Speed Racer. Thats his name. First name Speed last name Racer. He's the best racer ever, but the racing community is really corrupt so his talent his dangerous to all the big companies. He hates the big teams and races independently with his family owned business. This is where all the conflict and awesomeness comes from because he's so good that he takes on the whole racing industry because he refuses to have his ideals compromised.

Some critics (all professional critics) didn't like it. Well they must have hearts as black as death because this movie is perfect. They thought that it was too goofy and too computer generated. Well there are goofy parts and cartoony parts. But the racing is serious business that gets the same treatment as the other movies by the Wachowski brothers.

How Gladiator managed to be triple awesome

Gladiator is one of my favorite movies

It tells the story of Maximus, who starts out as a roman general, but then gets betrayed and instead of getting to go home like he was promised, he ends up having his family murdered and being picked up by slave traders. He is sold as a gladiator and eventually makes his way back to Rome in order to get revenge. 

There are many different ways a movie can give me chills and Gladiator managed to combine a ridiculous amount of them. 

Method 1: War

War movies are great, there's war in space, war with guns, war with old-style guns, war with horses and stuff and other kinds too. I cant think of a war movie that is bad. I think thats because its such a heavy subject that only really good filmmakers try to cover it. Gladiator starts out with the main character leading the roman army to go kill some barbarians. When I saw it when it came out in 2000 my mom was like "But that barbarian had a wife and kids, how is that cool?" Its cool because its a movie. If it were real I would probably want the barbarians to win since the Romans were total jerks for attacking in the first place. But since its a movie its fine to want the Romans to win, since the story sets it up that way: The romans speak english and have epic dialogue, while the barbarians speak caveman and have no shirts, its a no-brainer

Method 2: Sports

Every sports movie gives me chills. Even though every sports movie is Remember the Titans over and over again I don't care they are all amazing. There's nothing like a sports movie, I don't even need to describe how indescribable it is. Gladiator manages to combine the Casey at the bat stadium chills with the intensity of action movies. Gladiator is pretty much Remember the Titans except with swords, which is pretty much absolutely amazing.

Method 3: Defiance

When everyone is supposed to salute the emperor and Maximus just stands there, everyone watching the movie knows that he means business. Not only does he disrespect the emperor, but he also plots a rebellion and some other cool stuff. Since he already lost everything he stands up to the roman government and inspires the people. The people love him because he does what they wish they could do, but they're to busy being distracted by the gladiator spectacles to do anything. Hey that reminds me of my previous post.

So in conclusion Gladiator is...ok I wrote enough I need to go watch this movie again right now.

The Art of Living Vicariously

I really like movies. I think I like movies more than a lot of people, at least more than Jimmy. But recently I've been thinking about the nature of film and it's status as an art and I've had some very unsettling realizations. 

Most art, paintings or music for example, all deal with some kind of abstraction that challenges the viewer in some way. Film is considered an art medium, but where is the room for interpretation in a movie like "His Girl Friday?" It seems like less of an art and more of an opiate. We don't go look at a sculpture for for hours, sit there comatose, while nodding or chuckling notes of approval at the right times. But that's exactly what happens with movies. (and maybe heroin)

Has our society come to a place where instead of having, for example, a romantic adventure, we would rather pay $10 and sit in a chair and have the adventure had for us? Are movies anything more than all the dried up dreams of a culture? 

But we need a place to sleep and food to eat. And of course that has to cost money. There's no free lunch after all. (Imagine what would happen if we had free lunches for God's sake!) So instead of having all the fun we can dream up and doing all the things we would love to do, we get jobs, work in cubicles, file papers on a sunny day.

 And then when we finally get our special "leisure time" (since time is as commodified as fun) we waste it. We go to the movies, we pay money sit in a soft chair in a dark room while we stare at a screen projecting all of our potential, getting glimpses of a world that could have existed. And then we leave. We go back into the suburban mall parking lot or the independent theater's foyer and somehow we accept that the exciting world exists in the screen and that the serious world exists outside. 

Film isn't to blame for itself though. I think they are more the symptom of a world slowly wrapped in concrete, we can't change anything by fighting a symptom. The saying goes if you want to change the world you have to change yourself. But the opposite is also true. 

Not going to the movies won't make real adventures and real experiences fall into our laps. But maybe in a different world, one without filing that needs to be done, without cubicles and without rent that needs to be paid, maybe in that world we could do away with suburban megaplexes, maybe they'll come to be seen as the temples of the age of consumption. A place where we used to to worship the giant screen gods of excitement and comedy. Maybe in that new world everyone will have adventures every day, and maybe get a free lunch too. 

Citizen Carter

I decided that if I die like Kane did I want my last word to be 

There were a lot of disappointments in the movie other than the lack of food. Some were actual disappointments. Like when the movie starts and Kane is all young and cool I was thinking this is a movie about this cool guy who fights bankers and capitalists and starts a newspaper with a sense of humor. But then he turns into this grumpy old man and loses all his sparkle. After that there wasn't anyone in the movie I was rooting for. It was a story without anyone being heroic, just an old grouchy rich guy and a woman with an annoying voice. I guess Bernstein was kind of a likable character because he was so optimistic and made some old person jokes. Oh and that guy at the end who threw rosebud into the furnace. He totally figured it out and threw it in there just so he was the only one who knew the answer. 

I cant wait for the chihuahua movie

That movie looks so funny. The one with all the talking dancing dogs. I am definitely going at midnight to see it. I saw the trailer for the first time before some other movie and I fell out of my seat. I think that movie might be too funny. I should probably be careful when I go see it. Some people might say it looks stupid. Well yeah, do you think I don't? But it still looks like the funniest movie ever. How can you not laugh at some million dollar disney movie about dancing dogs?